YOU may well think you are imagining things when Dennis Neale's 'shady ladies' beckon you towards The Theatre of Small Convenience in Malvern.
In this most traditional town, out of a Victorian public convenience has evolved 'a lot in a little' - Multum in Parvo - as the plaque above the two-foot wide stage proclaims.
Self-confessed impresario Dennis had the idea of creating something magical, out of what was at the time a junk shop, in 1997. A committee was formed and two years spent raising funds before approval was given for the conversion of the lavatory into a theatre.
The opening of the theatre in 1999 received national news coverage - "a half page of puns in The Mirror, followed by a page in The Sun when they caught up!" Dennis says.
The conversion from urinal to auditorium was done on a shoestring, with recycled musical instruments and furniture being crafted into a new life.
"I enjoy the creativity of making the stuff as much as doing the shows," he says. The project has certainly been a family affair.
His son, Gabriel, painted the majority of the theatre's interior, while partner Ros used her artistic skills to rejuvenate some old wooden chairs. His daughter, Tamsin, designed the whacky costumes that the alluring usherettes wear and helps out with ushering duties.
With just seven seats, every performance is intimate .
All kinds of travelling theatre companies have contacted Dennis to bring their show to the venue. Mime, poetry, Shakespeare, rock and opera - the repertoire has been quite remarkable.
With just a few square feet behind the stage, some of the companies make their entrances from the street - sweeping in between the seats.
"People have to adapt. They soon learn that they don't need to shout," says Dennis, who runs his own show - Quackery Codswallop - in between visiting productions.
A five-minute puppet show, it appeals to all ages and is a great taster for passers-by.
Titus the too tall dancer, The Queen of Arts and Snowy the very shy singer make you laugh within seconds, but it is the overall experience of being inside such a crazily small space - enjoying a professional show - that really takes the breath away.
Dennis has come a long way in making his dream come true but there are still big plans for the smallest theatre in the world - his long-term aim is to run the theatre full-time.
Meanwhile, the promise of a Christmas show will have to suffice.
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